"Amongst my work on ingest tests, the smashing of objects, and bouncing, I have noted the man who is not my mother spends an inordinate amount of time with his dull gaze locked upon one or another of these glowing boxes. After the "miley cyrus" incident, I am decidedly wary of these faerie witchlight containers, yet his simian mind seems rapt, possessed of an unearthly calm; his incessant pecking at the device is belied by his vacant mien and a lack of any discernible result. Any object which wields such power must be reckoned with.
He is incredibly protective of it, leaping with considerable alacrity when I am preparing to avail myself of it’s powers. His concern is unaccountably disproportionate; with little effort on my part, it’s glowing glass blinks away to a uniform deep blue screen with calmingly minimal block lettering. My campaign is breaking him.”